Family Reunion
by SisiDraig - 2
Summary: Epically long oneshot. Sequel to WTPCIASW! Howard's told he has to go to a family reunion in Leeds but how will the Moon's react to Howard's unconventional family?-D/C: The Mighty Boosh belongs to Bah-rat and Fieldmouse-stupid Chelsea Handler woman lol


Vince sang along loudly with Gary Numan as he tidied up the living room. Everywhere the boys went looked like a hurricane had whipped through leaving a trail of destruction and toys in its wake. He picked up a box of toy cars and turned around to find Howard looking at him with a strange expression on his face.

"You okay?" Vince asked.

"What?! Turn the music down!"

"Sorry." smiled Vince, trying to shift the box under one arm, whilst turning down the volume dial on the stereo. "I said, you okay? You look a bit… weird."

"Oh thanks." huffed Howard, sitting heavily on the sofa. Vince frowned and placed the box carefully on the floor.

"What's up?" he asked, sitting down next to Howard.

"I've been invited to a Moon family reunion."

"So why d'you look miserable? Family reunions are fun, aren't they?"

"Family reunions in Leeds?"

Vince face screwed up a little but he smoothed it out quickly and said, "That's okay. We could make it a nice weekend away or something. There's fun things to do in Leeds, right?"

"Erm, Granary Warf? Kirkstall Abbey?"

"Oh. No then."

Howard smiled a bit before his face dropped again. "That's not the thing I'm worried about though."

"So what_ are_ you worried about?"

"Well…" Howard blushed a little. He felt stupid now. "I haven't exactly _told_ my parents about… us. Or the boys."

"Ah." said Vince in a way that didn't seem surprised or annoyed. He just sounded as though he didn't quite understand but he sounded like that about most things. "You're worried about telling your parents you're in a relationship with a man?"

"No. Well, a bit… but that's easier than trying to explain the boys."

"It's not _that _complicated."

"Are you kidding? What am I supposed to say? Mum, Dad, you remember Vince well we're in love now. But wait, there's more… Vince drank a magic potion six years ago he got pregnant and we have triplets. Meet your grandkids."

"Yeah, that's it in a nutshell." Vince grinned, and Howard slapped his thigh with the back of his hand.

"I'm being serious Vince. I'm too old to come out to my parents. And the kids are too old to be introduced to their grandparents and I _can't _tell them the truth about you being pregnant. They'll wrap me up in a bloody straight jacket and throw me in a padded cell."

Vince giggled a bit and rested his head on the older man's shoulder. Howard wrapped his arm around the younger man.

"What do I do?" he sighed.

"I think you should tell 'em the truth. Or at least try too. I'm sure they'd love to meet their grandchildren."

"Hmm." Howard mumbled though he didn't sound convinced. "Maybe I just wont go."

"Howard!" Vince cried, slapping the older man half heartedly on the chest."What?"

"I'm not letting you run away from this. It's the perfect opportunity to tell your parents. It's not exactly gonna get easier if you put it off, is it? In fact, I'm off to book a hotel." he smiled, jumping up and going to the phone directory, thumbing through until he found the right page.

"Don't bother." Howard sighed. "Mum and Dad said they'd put me up."

"Yeah. But can they put all five of us up?"

"They could put about a million people up." sighed Howard, "Their house is pretty huge."

Vince looked over and raised an eyebrow. "Really? You a little rich boy Howard?"

"No. Not really. Just live in an area where houses are cheap."

"An area where houses are cheap?" scorned the younger man. "You talk some rubbish!" he smirked. "How many bedrooms have they got? Do I need to book a hotel?"

"No." sighed Howard. "There's room there. Mum'll never forgive me if I go to Leeds and stay in hotel."

Vince smiled a little and kissed Howard on the forehead.

"Alright then." he grinned, picking up the box of cars and continuing with his cleaning.

--

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"What about… now?"

"NO! For god sake Jones, Vinward. If you don't shut up I'm going to leave you with the next policeman I see."

The two boys looked out the window, there were police cars right down the hard shoulder or the motorway. They were silent immediately. They'd been sat in this traffic jam for nearly and hour now and all three of the boys were getting restless.

"How long are we gonna be Howard?" Vince hissed.

"I don't know." sighed Howard, smacking his head on the steering wheel. He was panicking now. He'd rung his mother earlier and said they would be there for tea but it was already gone six and they were still over three quarters of an hour away despite this bloody jam.

"Right, I'm gonna ask." Vince said, unclipping his seatbelt.

"Don't you dare." hissed Howard. "You're not getting out on the motorway. It's too dangerous."

"Oh as if. The cars are going about a mile and hour. I'll be fine."

"What about motorbikes?"

"What about them?"

"They're just drifting through the cars. You could get hit by one."

"I'll be careful." promised Vince.

"Erm… Daddy." Vinward said quietly.

"Yes." Vince asked.

"I need a wee."

"Can you wait?"

"No."

"Okay. Come with me then. You'll have to go in a bush."

Jones spluttered a delighted laugh. "Vinward's gonna wee in a bush!" he sang as Vinward pushed through the gap in the front seats. Vince lifted him up and opened the door.

"Excuse me sir." one policeman called, "Stay in your car please."

"My son needs a wee." Vince explained, walking briskly across the inside lane to the hard shoulder. "Do you have any idea how long we'll be?"

"Should be any minute sir."

"Yeah. But you've been saying that for _ages_!" whined Vince.

"Daddy." Vinward moaned in his arms. "I'm gonna wee."

"Oh. Sorry. Come on." he said, racing to behind the closest bush.

"Sir." a policeman called. "Please be quick. The cars at the front are moving."

"Typical." growled Vince. "Quick as you can Vinny." he encouraged.

"I can't go when you're watching." moaned the child.

"Alright. I've got my eyes closed." Vince sighed.

"Sir." The policeman called again.

"Alright. We're coming." he snapped. "Vin?"

"I don't think I need to go anymore." the boy sighed.

"Right. Okay." frowned Vince, pulling his son's trousers up and legging it back to the car in record time just before Howard was waved out.

"That was close." the older man commented. "Better now, Vin?"

"I couldn't go." The boy said and Howard laughed.

"Oh well." he chuckled. "Never mind."

--

They were only five minutes from the house when they boys started moaning about being hungry.

"Alright." Howard said, "We're nearly there." He was shaking a little as he turned down the numerous streets en route to his childhood home.

"Don't be nervous," Vince whispered, "it'll be fine. Just tell 'em the truth, yeah?"

"Yeah. I know." Howard sighed. Sometimes he hated the way Vince could read him so easily. He wished it wasn't so blatantly obvious how nervous he was. Suddenly, he saw the house looming ahead of him. He pulled over and stared up at the building. He gulped.

The house was pebble dashed, with red brickwork around the windows and a wooden front door. There was a small path leading up to it and tiny garden with a tiny wishing well in the centre. It didn't look all that big but Vince suspected it would be big enough for all of them.

"It looks… immaculate." Vince gasped in awe.

"Hmm." muttered Howard, turning the engine off and sitting back in his seat. He ran his hands down his face and groaned slightly.

"D'you want us to come with you?" Vince asked.

"No." The older man answered determinedly. "I have to do this myself."

"Okay."

"Give me a kiss before I go… you know, in case I don't get out alive."

"Don't be ridiculous." chuckled Vince but he kissed him anyway to the sound of three protests from the backseat.

--

Howard knocked on the door. His stomach was churning furiously and he felt a little sick. He seemed to be waiting ages, then the door was opened and he felt himself pressed against his mothers bosoms.

"Howard!" she cried happily, pulling him through the door. "Oh, I haven't seen you in so long. Come in. Come in. Tell me everything."

The door slammed behind Howard.

"Where's daddy gone?" Jones asked nervously.

"He's just gone to sort a few things out." Vince answered. "He wont be long. Why don't we play a game of I Spy."

--

"Sit down." his mother fussed, pushing him to sit down on the sofa.

"Look mum. I need to tell you something."

"Alright. Let me get you a cup of tea and we'll catch up on everything."

It was strange being back in this house. Nothing had changed since he was a child, even the furniture was the same and the disgusting green and floral wall paper had faded a little but it still had the marks he'd made with crayons and the time he'd shook the ketchup bottle when the lid wasn't on properly. And of course there was his dad, smoking on a pipe, still safely sat in his favourite chair by the window.

"You're late son." he said sternly.

"I know. We were stuck on the motorway."

"We?" his dad probed as his mother pushed a steaming cup of tea into his hands.

"Yeah. That's what I need to talk to you about. I've brought someone with me." Howard said blushing furiously.

"A lady friend?" his mother asked knowingly.

"Erm. No. Not exactly." Howard said, taking a sip of tea to give himself a reason to look away from his parents quizzical faces.

"Who then?"

"You remember Vince?"

"Noir?" His mother asked.

"Yeah him."

"Oh. That's fine. I haven't seen him for years. Where is he?"

"He's waiting in the car but there's more." Howard gabbled quickly.

"Go on." His father encourage, taking a long puff on the cigar and raising an eyebrow.

"Well, me and Vince… we're kinda… a couple." he said.

"Oh."

That was it. Just 'oh'. No crying, no screaming, no questions; just a quiet acceptance. So, Howard decided to continue.

"That's not all though." he winced a little. He knew he was about to sound completely mental. "We've got children. I mean, you're grandparents."

"You've adopted?"

"No. They're ours.""Howard." his mum said gently. "You're both men. How can they be yours?"

"It was this potion. Vince drank it and got pregnant when I touched him. I know it sounds crazy." he said, clocking the confused expressions on his parents faces, "But it's true. If you see the boys it's obvious. They look just like us."

"How many children have you got Howard?"

"Three. Three boys. Triplets."

"Wait." Mrs Moon said, she looked pale and confused as she held up a hand to stop her son rambling. "Are you trying to tell me that I've got three grandsons fathered by two men?"

"Erm… yeah."

"Well… where are they?"

"Wait, you don't think I'm mad?"

"Of course I think you're mad." she said, "But it's all different in London, isn't it? I mean they let gorilla's live in flats like normal people and shamans rent out their flat. Is that who's potion it was? That shaman boy's?"

"Y-yeah." stammered Howard.

"So how old are my grandsons'? Eighteen months? Two years?"

"Um… they're six."

"SIX?! Six? I've missed out on grandchildren for _six years_? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think you'd understand."

"Where are they?"

"In the car."

"Right. I'm going to get them." she bustled quickly out of the living room.

It was quiet then and slightly awkward. He could feel his dad's eyes on him. He could tell he didn't understand and he knew that it was going to be difficult for him to take all of this in. Hell, it would be difficult for anyone. But his dad had always been a man was a Moon and the Moon family was all about tradition; find a woman, get married, have kids. That was the plan for life and Howard hadn't done that at all. He'd had kids, found a man and still wasn't married.

He looked up. Mr Moon was looking out of the window, his wrinkled face hard but that soon changed when Jones ran through the door and through himself at the mans legs crying, "Granddad!" and peering up at him with big, gorgeous, innocent eyes and a cheeky little infectious grin.

"So what's your name?" Mrs Moon was asking as she and the other boys walked through the door.

"I'm Vinward." the moustached boy answered.

"And I'm Richmond. People think me and Jones look alike but I don't think we do. If you see one of us wearing any colour then it's Jones. I don't like colour, it offends my eyes."

"Right." Mrs Moon smiled. "So you," she ruffled Jones' hair, "are Jones."

"Don't touch my hair!" he cried, trying to protect his precious locks with his podgy arms.

"Oh. Sorry." smiled Mrs Moon.

"S'ok."

Then Vince walked into the room and Howard leapt to his feet.

"Erm, Dad. This is Vince, my er…"

"Boyfriend." beamed Mrs Moon. "And he's very handsome, isn't he darling?" she turned to Mr Moon, who just gave his wife a look which said 'do you honestly expect me to answer that?' and returned to watching his grandsons.

"I like your moustache son. Very manly."

"Thank you." grinned Vinward, bristling it proudly. Then he turned to glare at Jones, "See." he said smugly, "_some _people like it."

"Grandad." Jones asked suddenly tugging on Mr Moon's trousers. Howard winced, his father did _not_ like to be touched. He was worse than Howard. But the man didn't say anything just looked down at Jones and said,

"What is it boy?"

"D'you like my hair?"

"It's very nice." he nodded and Jones beamed proudly.

"Right." Mrs Moon said cheerfully. "You must all be starving, I'll get the food ready. Give me a hand Howard."

Vince looked at Howard, his eyes wide, pleading with him not to leave him alone but Howard just shrugged. He couldn't let his mother down. Vince gulped and sat on the floor with the boys as they tore their travel bags open and started to play with various toys.

"That boy got a little girls dolly?" Mr Moon asked after a while. Vince glanced up and saw he was talking about Jones.

"It's his favourite toy. He wont leave home without it."

"He's got paint on his nails too."

"Yeah." Vince grinned. "He likes to look cool."

"He looks like a girl."

"I'm sorry. Do you have a problem with my son?" Vince said aggressively. "Because I happen to believe my boys should be allowed to dress and act how they want and Howard thinks that too."

"Hmmm." Mr Moon muttered. "Well, they're your kids."

"_What _is that supposed to mean?"

Mr Moon looked at the three boys. "Nothing." sighed the older man. "I'm getting to old for all this." he moaned and Vince smiled a little.

"Well, I guess it's not often your son announces he's gay and has kids with a man. Must've been a shock."

"You can say that again." The older man sighed. "In fact, I think I need a whiskey. Care to join me."

"Sure." Vince grinned. "I'll get it. Where is it?"

"In that cupboard." Mr Moon pointed and Vince jumped to his feet.

--

"Six years Howard!" Mrs Moon was repeating as she clattered and banged around the kitchen, preparing tea. "Six years! And you never said anything. Why? Why haven't you visited?"

"I don't know." sighed Howard and it's the truth. He's never really had a good reason for not visiting his parents. Of course it's a long way to travel but that shouldn't stop him, not really.

"And we speak to you on the phone? Why didn't you tell us you were you know gee-ay-why?"

"Gay mum."

"Yes and with Vince. He's so bubbly. Why would you want to keep him secret for us? And the boys?"

"I guess I didn't think you'd understand."

"Of course we'd understand Howard. I mean, Nana Moon's not going to be thrilled. But she's been so worried about the Moon name stopping with you perhaps she'll just be happy you've got kids. Because of course your dad's only got sisters of course and she never dreamt you'd have children."

"Well, she should have more… wait. What do you mean she never dreamt I'd have children?"

"She's been convinced you were gay since you were about twelve."

"What!? I didn't even find out until just over six years ago."

"Hmmm. She's always been intuitive your nana though."

Howard just stood gob-smacked as his mother pushed a few plates into his hands. "Go lay the table"

He did as he was told. "Now, what do you want to do about sleeping arraignments? I had done your old bedroom up but now there's two of you, you'll have to move into the spare bedroom. What about the boys? Would they mind sharing?"

"I'm sure that would be fine." Howard smiled, "In fact, they'd probably prefer it."

"Right. There's some camp beds in the back of the closet in the spare room. Perhaps you and Vince could get them out after tea. Set them up in your old room. There's plenty of room in there."

"Okay." Howard said. Just then, his mother hugged him tight. He put his arms around her carefully. He felt a bit useless and clumsy. It still felt strange to tower over his mother, even though that had been the norm now for nearly twenty five years. She smelt just the same as she always had and her skin was powder soft.

"Mum?" he asked eventually.

"Sorry." she sniffed, wiping her eyes a little. "It's just… I haven't seen you in so long. And now you just seem so grown up."

"Well, one of us has to be." Howard sighed, chuckling a bit as he thought of all the stupid things Vince had done.

"Is Vince childish then?" she asked, "Come on. Tell me everything about him and the boys. There's _so_ much to catch up on."

--

"You know Shelly's got a daughter, don't you?" Mrs Moon said in her gossipy voice across the dining table.

"Shelly?" asked Howard, dropping his spoon into his soup splashing thick, orange liquid all over the table cloth.

"Silly daddy." Vinward said. "You've made a mess." Jones and Vinward laughed and even Vince chuckled a bit before asking,

"Who's Shelly?"

"She's my cousin," Howard said, "but she's… I mean she looks like a dog thought her face was a chew toy. And she's a bitch."

"Bitch." repeated Jones. "What's that?"

"That's a naughty word." Vince said, glaring at Howard, "Daddy was being stupid. _Don't_ you go saying it." warned Vince.

Jones's face screwed up a little. "I was just saying what daddy said." he moaned.

"I know sweetheart." Vince sighed. "Dad was very naughty." Vince said, his eyes twinkling as he smirked at Howard.

"Alright." snapped Howard, "I think you've laid it on thick enough now. The point is, Shelly wasn't meant to breed."

"Neither were we, really." Vince pointed out. "If it wasn't for Naboo's potions."

"And your inability to see something and not stick it in your mouth."

Vince looked at Howard, a giggle apparent in his eyes. Howard knew what he was thinking. Vince had a mind like a sewer, it was no secret. 'Don't. Not in front of my parents' Howard warned with his glare but when does Vince ever head any of his warnings?

"You've never complained about sticking stuff in my mouth before." He said. He was biting his lip trying not to explode with giggles. It didn't help. He snorted loudly and erupted with laughter.

Howard blushed furiously, running his hands over his hot cheeks. "I need a drink." he groaned getting to his feet and leaving the dining room and going to the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Vince called after him. "I just meant because I drank the orange juice we've got our kids… what were you thinking?"

Vince turned back to the table and was suddenly aware of everyone's eyes on him.

"Sorry." he said in a sort of breathy half laugh. He quite clearly wasn't sorry.

There would have been an awkward silence then if Richmond hadn't been the kind of child who needed to know _everything._

"Why was dad Howard embarrassed?"

"It's just a little, erm… joke." Vince said with a smile. "You get on eating your soup."

"It wasn't very funny." Richmond said.

"You never think nothing's funny." Jones piped up.

"Oh goodness." Mrs Moon exclaimed, looking at Jones "Who taught you to speak like that?"

The little boy shrugged. He didn't really remembering to learn to talk. It was just something he could do.

"So." Howard said, sitting down and taking a sip of his fresh glass of whiskey. "How old is Shelly's daughter?"

"Should you be drinking in front of the boys, Howard?" his mother scorned. He couldn't believe it. He was forty-two and his mother was still telling him off.

"Special circumstances." he explained draining the glass. "Well, how old?"

"Erm…" Mrs Moon paused for a moment, "I think she was ten last month. See," she said pointedly, "that just proves how longs it's been since you've visited us."

"Mum. I came up here a few Christmas' ago." he sighed, "I haven't seen Shelly since… well, it must have been Thomas' wedding."

"Well that was over seven years ago."

Howard and his mother continued to argue about various members of the Moon clan, estranged aunties and cousins in china, who've visited more often that Howard. Vince rolled his eyes, pushing the soup around his bowl. He was tired. He really just wanted to go to bed now and curl up under a duvet. He sighed heavily.

"You alright son?" Mr Moon asked. Vince looked up and nodded mutedly.

"If it makes you feel any better," he said quietly, "I don't know who they're talking about either."

Vince smiled as he looked at Howard gossiping with his mother.

"And people think I'm the woman in this relationship." Vince smirked. "So what if I wear a bit of eyeliner? I just wanna look cool."

"You don't expect me to understand that, do you?" Mr Moon asked and Vince chuckled a little, shaking his head.

"I'm gonna look cool too. Daddy, when can I wear eye-line-er?" Jones asked, carefully repeated this new word.

"Wait a few years yet Jones." Mr Moon growled. "You don't wanna grow up too fast."

"You know when I'm grown up I'm gonna play songs and make money."

"Jones wants to be a DJ." Vince explained with a smile.

"Like music, do you son? Like Jazz?"

Jones' face screwed up like he'd just eaten a mouthful of sour sweets. "Ergh! Not jazz! Blergh! Plah! Argh. Wash my ears out. Errrrrrr."

"That a 'no' then?" Mr Moon asked, though he was smiling a little. He looked a lot like Howard, wrinkles in all the right places and kind, chocolate brown eyes. Vince couldn't help his smile from broadening.

"I like Jazz." grinned Vinward, beginning to bebop.

"Ahhhhh!" Jones screamed, high-pitched like a banshee. "I'm allergic! Stop Vin! Stop!"

Vinward did not stop, so next second he was hit square in the face with a spoonful of orange soup. And Jones was giggling in delight.

"Jones!" shouted Vince, picking up a serviette and moving to wipe the soup from Vinward's face, "Leave the table."

"But where can I go?" The boy whinged, "And I'm hungry."

"Well, you should have thought about that before you threw soup in your brother's face."

"Oh don't be so harsh on him Vince." laughed Mrs Moon. "You stay here Jones and we'll get you a nice big meal. Fill up that tummy of yours."

"No." Vince said determinedly, "He needs to know he can't throw soup at the table. Jones, go away until you've thought about what you've done."

Jones frowned and folded his arms huffily but he was about to swing his legs around and jump off the chair when Mrs Moon spoke again,

"Oh don't be silly. Boys will be boys. You stay put Jones. Howard, tell Vince it's fine."

Suddenly, the whole family were staring at Howard but the only eyes he could see were his mother's beady stare. It was as though she were daring him to oppose her and he suddenly felt eight years old again.

"I'm sure it'll be okay, this once." he muttered.

Vince felt as though he'd just been slammed in the stomach with a ten ton of bricks. For the first time ever he felt angry and ignored, as though he was alone in parenthood and he didn't like it. He blinked carefully and avoided Richmond, because he knew the little boy would point out any change in his expression. He gave Vinward's face a careful last wipe and shot Jones a warning look so ferocious the boy whimpered slightly.

--

The meal had continued with an odd atmosphere, not that Mrs Moon had noticed. She'd continued to natter on,

"And of course there's Neil, Michael's son. He 's just married Susan, the one with the terrier and I think they'll be announcing a bump any day. You'll see them tomorrow Vince, red-heads."

Vince had nodded politely throughout the meal. Howard had asked how various long-lost cousins and relatives so distant their aren't even names for them were getting on but the rest of the table had been quiet; the boys because they were terrified of being shouted at by Vince, and Mr Moon because he quite simply had nothing to say.

After the meal, Howard had said that the boys needed to go to bed and although the boys had groaned, they'd fallen asleep as soon as their heads had hit the pillow, though, to be fair, it had taken Vince and Howard ages to work out how to set up the beds.

"Night boys." Howard had said as he'd shut the door and the silence that followed just went to prove how tired they really were. "Right," Howard continued, smiling at Vince, "Nightcap?"

"Actually, I think I'm gonna go straight to bed." Vince said.

"Oh. Okay. Well, I'll be up in a bit." he promised. "Night." he leant in to kiss Vince but the younger man turned away at the last second and Howard connected with his cheek. He stepped back confused. Vince still had his face to the side, he was refusing to look at Howard.

"Are you okay?"Vince nodded his head marginally.

"Don't lie to me. Have I upset you in someway?"

Vince didn't move.

"What did I do?" Howard asked, "Come on, don't strop. I get enough of that from the boys."

"You didn't back me up!" snapped Vince, hissing in Howard's face.

"What?"

"At dinner tonight. I sent Jones from the table and you didn't back me up. You sided with your _mother _instead."

"Alright. Alright." Howard hushed, bitterly aware that their current location, in the narrow corridor, meant the whole house could hear them, "Lets discuss this in here." he encouraged, pushing Vince into the spare room, which they were adopting as their own.

"I don't need to go in here." Vince growled, stood in the centre of the room with his fists clenched.

"Look, you're angry. I'm sorry. Just… I mean, it wasn't that big a deal."

"I sent him away for a _reason_ Howard. We always said we'd back each other up when it came to the boys because we're out numbered and they're clever little buggers."

"I'm sorry." Howard apologised, ducking to try and meet Vince's eyes. The younger man just turned his head more. "Hey, hey… look at me." he said, reaching out to cup Vince's cheek and forcing their eyes to meet, "Vince, look at me."

Reluctantly, Vince obliged.

"I'm sorry." Howard said. "I just… I still find it hard to say no to my mum." he blushed and Vince smiled. Then his face fell a little and he whispered,

"I just feel so out of place here Howard. I mean, your parents accepted you, they even accepted the boys but… you know, I'm never gonna be good enough for you in their eyes."

"Oh you're just being paranoid."

"Am I? They've both told me I'm raising the kids wrong. Well, Jones at least. And you should have seen your mum's face when I told her their names. She looked like she was gonna have a fit. She looked like I felt that time you lied to me about a TopShop sale."

There was silence for a moment. Then, Howard burst out laughing. "Oh I love you." he chuckled, pulling Vince in for a hug and kissing the top of his head. "Why don't you get in to bed? And I'll go tell my mum and dad we're having an early night. I'll be back in two minutes."

"You wont though. You'll just have to talk about Aunt Susie's new goldfish's neighbours daughter Alison, married to Jonny the Ale with the orange afro and no eyebrows."

Howard laughed again. "Two minutes." he promised, taking Vince's hands and kissing his fingers carefully, "Time me if you want."

Howard actually took two minutes and thirty one seconds to return but Vince couldn't be bothered to argue. The bed was so soft it had melded to his body and the duvet was that amazing, prefect cosy temperature and was warming his body to toasty perfection. The room, though alien to him, seemed strangely homely too but in a fake way… as though someone had tried really, really hard to make it seem comforting and familiar and that made it somehow eerie. He felt the bed dip as Howard slid in beside him. The were drawn together almost immediately, shifting until they were both comfy. Vince showed he was still angry with a sharp kick to Howard's nearest leg and the older man grumbled a bit. But then Vince cuddled up to him and nothing more was said on the matter.

--

The food was going cold. Mr Moon didn't care how much foil his wife was putting over the plates, his bacon, sausage, eggs and beans were icy and he was _not _impressed. He'd been sat at the breakfast table ages, he could smell the glorious scent of a full English cooked to perfection but still his wife wouldn't let him eat.

"We have to wait for Howard." Mrs Moon said unprompted for the hundredth time. She could see from the look in her husbands eyes he was entirely fed-up by now.

"I'm going to get him." Mr Moon said, pushing himself to his feet.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" she asked, "I'll go."

"Why can't I go?"

"Do you want to see your son in bed with another man?"

There was a pause and then; "You go."

"Right." she said.

She quickly went up the stairs and knocked on the door to the spare room. There was no answer so she pushed the door open,

"Howard! Wake up." she called. She felt suddenly as though she'd been transported back to Howard's school days and she was getting him up because he was trying to steal a few extra minutes of sleep. She flicked the light on and looked at the bed ahead of her. She smiled. Howard was one end, barely balancing on the mattress, Vince was the other in a similar situation and between them, were three little boys all sleeping peacefully.

"Howard." she called again and the older man did, finally begin to stir. When he saw his mother stood over him he let out an indignant squeal and pulled the duvet up over his chest.

She smiled and said that thing parents say when they try and make you feel better but actually makes you feel sick to the core,

"Don't worry. I've seen it all before."

Vince snorted from across the bed. "You can stop pretending to be asleep too." Howard threw a pillow at Vince and the slight imbalance of forces meant Vince went crashing to the floor and the triplets woke with a start.

Mrs Moon quickly left telling them to be as quick as they could, the boys ran after her. Vince was totally confused. He couldn't remember the boys arriving at all.

"They appeared about six o clock." Howard explained. "Apparently this house is 'scary'."

What had happened was that, Jones had woke up at about five and had suddenly been very scared in his unfamiliar surroundings. He'd got out of bed slowly, clutching Baby Gregg tight in his arms and padded silently over to Vinward's bed.

"Vin. Vin." he'd whispered, shaking his brother. "Vin."

"What?" the other boy had muttered, not even opening his eyes.

"Baby Gregg's really scared. Can he sleep in with you?"

"Yes." Vinward had said taking the toy and putting it next to him on the pillow. Jones had slipped in the covers too. "I didn't say you could get in."

"But I can't leave Baby Gregg. He's really scared because he thinks there's zombies in the cupboard and it sounds like a werewolf outside."

At that second a loud howl had sounded and Jones had thrown his arms around Vinward's neck and hid his face in his shoulder.

"Richmond!" Vinward had growled, "That wasn't funny." Richmond giggled to himself. "I'm never gonna get rid of him now." Vinward groaned.

That was true. Jones had clung on to Vinward like his life depended on it for a few minutes. Then Jones had whispered,

"What was that?"

"What?" groaned Vinward.

"That noise. Was that cupboard open a minute ago?"

Vinward had looked up at the open door. He'd swallowed. It must've been like that the whole time but… well, it was an old house and everyone knows that ghosts and evil fairies live in old houses. He'd clutched Jones hand.

"I don't…" He'd been cut off by a loud cough down the hall and suddenly the two had leapt up and run next door to their parents room. Jones had been sobbing and Vinward had been shaking furiously, when Howard had held them in his strong arms and told them everything would be okay.

"Here." he'd whispered, gently moving Vince across the bed, "You two lie between us. We'll stop the monsters getting you."

It had only been about five minutes before Richmond arrived, claiming that he didn't want to miss out on any of the fun.

--

They were sat down around the table. Howard had pulled on his trousers and a shirt but Vince had point blank refused to get dressed until he'd had a shower so he was wearing one of Howard's shirts, which was sliding off his shoulder.

"You look like a girl." Howard had laughed, watching Vince pull the shirt up over his shoulder time and time again as they walked down the stairs.

"I don't care" the younger man shrugged.

The 'good mornings' were said and the breakfasts were placed on the table.

"S'cold." muttered Mr Moon, looking at Howard and Vince accusingly.

"It's not cold." frowned Mrs Moon. "It's the prefect temperature."

"Ha!"

"Vince." Mrs Moon said, "You're not eaten hardly anything."

"I'm not really used to massive cooked meals for breakfast."

"Or at all." muttered Howard, earning himself a dig in the ribs.

"I usually just have some cereal." he explained.

"Hmm… no wonder you're so skinny." she'd meant it as an insult but Vince beamed happily.

"D'you think I'm skinny?" he asked happily. "I don't think I ever got my figure back after being pregnant."

Howard coughed loudly and said, "Mum. Can you pass the ketchup please? I need them for my… beans." Anything to change the subject.

--

Howard decided he wanted to take the boys out after breakfast.

"They need to visit their northern routes." Howard said proudly as he sat on the bed waiting for Vince to get dressed.

"I always forget they're half northern." groaned Vince. "Or at least I try to." he grinned as he fluffed up his hair in the mirror.

"Oi. Don't you go saying things like that later at the family get together. In fact, maybe you shouldn't say anything… if Nana Moon finds out your from London she'll skin you alive, me too probably for fraternising with you. "

"Is that what they call it up north?" Vince grinned cheekily, quirking his eyebrows as he straddled Howard's knees and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Actually _that_ is a definition of fraternising but in a strictly military sense."

"Mmm. Well I think we should do some fraternising of the military variety right now." Vince smirked, kissing Howard all over his stubbly chin.

"Vince. We're in my parents house! And there's no lock on the door!"

"That" -kiss- "just makes" -kiss- "it" - kiss- "more" -kiss- "exciting."

Then Vince pulled back to watch Howard's face as weighed up all the consequences in his mind. Just then Vinward burst in, holding his hand up as a thin trail of blood seeped from a tiny cut on his palm.

"Maybe later." he breathed in Vince's ear as he pushed the younger man off his lap and went to pick up his son.

"Let's inspect the damage." Howard said, taking a look at the cut, "Ooo. How did you do that?"

Vinward sniffed and wiped his nose with his other hand. "I fell over." he sobbed.

"Where did you fall Vinny?" Vince asked.

"In our bedroom." The boy sniffed.

"Right." Vince walked off as Howard gave his son a kiss on the head and told him they'd go and find a 'magic plaster' from Grandma's first aid draw.

Vince soon found the culprit for Vinward's cut. There was a nail sticking out of the old skirting board. Vince frowned and went to find a hammer. Howard almost laughed when he came upstairs a few seconds later with Vinward, who not only had a plaster but also a lollypop, to find Vince banging a nail into the wall.

"Bloody old houses!" he was muttering.

"I think that's in far enough." chuckled Howard, prising the hammer from Vince's fingers.

"I don't want them to get hurt."

"I know." Howard smiled as he turned to hear Jones ask,

"Vin. Why have you got a lolly?"

"Granny said I was brave."

"You weren't brave. You cried like a baby girl."

"You _look _like a baby girl."

"No. I'm unique. Everyone says so."

"That just means your weird."

"Alright. Don't argue." Howard cut in. "We're going to look around Leeds today."

None of the boys looked overly enthusiastic. "We're gonna see a beautiful old wharf." They still didn't look impressed or indeed like they knew what a wharf was.

"We might get a ride on a boat." Vince added and suddenly going to a wharf was very exciting.

--

Vinward and Richmond cringed everytime Jones threw up. Vince was holding Jones as he leant over the side of the boat and hurled again.

"I don't like it." Jones sobbed.

"It's okay." Vince said, rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry dad." Jones was whispering.

"Shhhh. Don't be silly. It's not your fault." Vince was saying as Howard came back and handed over a bottle of water that a woman on the boat had kindly given to him when he'd explained the situation.

"Here you go sweetheart." Vince soothed, opening the bottle and forced Jones to take a sip.

"When can we get off?" the little boy asked, slumping against Vince. Vince held him tight and kissed the top of his sweaty head.

"Won't be long now." he promised.

--

"That was successful." muttered Howard as they walked down the footpath to a café. Vinward and Richmond were running along in front and Jones was asleep in Vince's arms.

"He's shattered." Vince smiled, running a hand through his son's long hair as he shifted his weight to give his numbing arm a rest.

"D'you want me to have him?" Howard asked.

"Would you?" Vince asked, passing the boy over.

Howard took him and allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder. In one hand Jones was clutching Baby Gregg, the other one was firmly by his mouth as he sucked his thumb.

"Bless him." sighed Vince.

"Hmm. Right, where are we going to eat?"

--

The warning had been 'don't eat too much because they'll be loads of food later at the get-together' but, as was often the case with Howard's warnings, it had been totally ignored. Vinward and Richmond had got through an entire plate of chips each and most of Jones' because he still wasn't hungry. But when the ice-cream had arrived, all three had wolfed it down. Then the waitress had brought over a few handfuls of complimentary mints and sweets and they disappeared in record time too.

As they walked back towards the car all three were moaning about being too full.

"Well. I did warn you," Howard shrugged, "Yorkshire food is extra filling."

"It's why daddies so fat." explained Vince.

"Hey!" Howard cried indignantly giving Vince a soft shove in the shoulder. Vince just grinned and slipped his hand through Howard's. He didn't care if people stared, they could stare all they wanted, let them look on at his perfect little family.

--

Vince was nervous now. He was sat in the back of the car with Mrs Moon. He had Richmond on his lap, she had Jones on her lap (don't tell the police) and Vinward was sat in the middle, looking smug because he had his own seat. Mr Moon had insisted on driving and Howard was fidgeting nervously in the passenger seat. Vince was trying not to laugh. He knew Howard hated not driving. He wasn't used to it. He hadn't been driven by someone else for years. He kept twitching every time he felt his dad took a corner a bit tight or pulled out too early or too late.

The 'get-together' was being held in a big building used to be a barn. It had been done up by some member of Howard's family as a function hall and it's first function was to be the Moon family gathering. The car pulled to a halt and the family got out. Howard opened the door for his mother and helped Jones off her lap.

As they were walking into the building, Howard stopped. He was suddenly overcome by a bout of nerves. He was about to come out to his entire family and that was a bit weird, given his age and circumstance. Vince slipped his hand into Howard,

"You're shaking Howard."

"No. I think that's you."

"I think it's both of us." laughed Vince squeezing Howard's fingers as they strolled through the large door.

--

"No!" cried a voice, "It never is. Is it? Not your son Howard?"

"Yes. Yes." Mrs Moon was answering.

"God I haven't seen him in so long."

"I know. He's over there now."

"Oh yes. Is that his wife?"

"Mmm." Mrs Moon answered and Vince scowled.

"I'm his boyfriend _actually._" Vince spat holding his hand out. "In fact I'm more than that. I'm his… oh I don't know." Vince was angry. He hated the way that when he introduced himself he never knew how to define himself. More than a boyfriend, less than a husband and he'd never liked the word 'partner' that's what you had in business.

"Well..." The woman said, her face flashed with a million emotions until she beamed at him and said, "It's very nice to meet you… both. I bet you don't remember me, do you Howard?"

"Erm." The older man stalled.

"No, course not. I haven't seen you since you were this big." she held out a hand that could have indicated a child aged anywhere between about 2 and 12. "I'm your Aunty Judith."

"Hey Jude." Vince said, "Don't let me down." He laughed at his own joke but everyone else stayed stony silent. Seems she'd heard that a lot.

"My daughter's around." she continued, ignoring Vince entirely, "She's the same age as you Howard. Her husband's about too and their children. They've got a son and a daughter. Lovely kids they are. I don't suppose you've got children Howard. Seems the Moon name's going to stop with you."

"We've got children." Howard answered calmly. "Triplets, boys. They're…" he looked around, "somewhere." he shrugged. "Probably near the food or…"

Suddenly, there was a deafening howling of feedback echoing around the room and the subtle background music was replaced by a loud car horn and the beginnings of some noise that could, perhaps, be loosely described as a song if you squinted your ears.

Vince swore sharply under his breath. "Jones." he scowled, "I'll go and get him."

Howard smiled. "Okay." he whispered back as Vince began to walk off. Just as he was out of reach, Howard grabbed Vince's arm and pulled him close.

"What?" asked Vince. Howard kissed him on the cheek.

"Nothing." he smiled kissing him again on the hand in a strange sweeping gesture, Vince blushed a little but composed himself enough to whisper, "you're ridiculous." but in a way that suggested he felt he had to say something like that to stop it getting too Jane Austin. If Jane Austin had been around now writting gay romance novels.

--

Vince found Jones by the sound system clapping and waving his arms around happily.

"You," he warned, with a hint of laughter in his voice as he flicked the stereo to it's original CD, "are a little nightmare."

"I'm a DJ." Jones insisted.

"Not yet." Vince smiled, taking the boy's hand and leading him across the packed room. "Where are your brothers?"

The little boy shrugged.

They bumped into Howard and he immediately lifted his son into the air, "Having a go at being a DJ were you, little man?"

"Yes. And it was good until Daddy stopped me." he glared at Vince. Howard chuckled a little and even Vince failed to suppress a smirk.

"Well, I think your music was too, erm, cool for the Moon clan."

"Yeah. Don't forget, these people like jazz Jonesy."

"Hmmm." the little boy hummed thoughtfully, as though conjuring up the perfect song for a jazz-loving family.

It wasn't long before someone interrupted, eager to speak to the Yorkshire boy who'd moved to London. Jones yawned in an exaggerated way as the conversation turned to Stationary Village

"He's a cheeky bugger." Howard whispered to Vince as he passed the boy over with a cover-up story to his cousin (five times removed) about him being tired. Vince just smiled and took him over to a table that had been set up especially for children. Jones ran into the mêlée of relatives straight away and Vince was more than a bit disturbed to see how many moustaches were on the children's faces, though he had a sneaking suspicion some of them were fake… he'd ask Howard about that later.

Vince went back to find Howard, who was still being bored by the same relative. They seemed to meet everyone in the world and he shook everyone's hand politely and smiled and laughed at their crap jokes and complimented their bratty children and talked about London. He was so bored he thought he was going to die.

--

The children were all gathered around in awe of Vinward's moustache.

"Is it real?" One asked, giving it a little tug.

"How long did it take you to grow?"

"Did you use miracle grow?"

Jones sulked a few yards away, "Stupid caterpillar on his lip." he muttered.

"I think it's jolly nice that people think Vinward's moustache is good. First time for everything." said Richmond, sipping a green drink that he'd found on the 'grown-up's table'. It was tasty and made him feel a little light headed and giddy.

"It looks _stupid_." Jones whinged.

"I think your jealous."

"M'not." Jones folded his arms and looked away angrily. It was obvious that these people got they're style from Howard. Did they not know that Vince was Prince of Camden? Though, Richmond had once asked, Does Camden even know you're their Prince Daddy? And Howard had spat his tea out he'd laughed so hard. Well, none of that mattered. Vince was cool and Howard wasn't. Jones was cool and Vinward wasn't. That's how the story goes. That's how the story always goes.

"But we're in Leeds now." Richmond pointed out, when Jones had said all this, "There's different rules on what's cool!"

"I miss London."

"Hmm."

--

It wasn't long before everyone was being ushered into seats for the meal. Someone from the Moon clan had written out _very _specific seating plans, based on age, favourite colour, relatives, how close you were to the original Moon blood line.

"Typical," huffed Vince when Howard had explained, "everyone in your family's OCD about organisation."

Howard hadn't been listening though because he'd just found his own name on a table of direct descendants - well, it was no secret that he was the last to carry the prestigious Moon name. He looked down at his placard proudly and then looked next to him. There was no space for Vince. He frowned and looked down the table, most people were sat down now. There were a few empty chairs here and there but not many. The chair to the right of Howard was empty too. Maybe 'Vincenta Moon' had been a no show. Then he looked at the name again… bloody mother. He scowled.

"Sit down." he whispered in Vince's ear.

"Huh?" the younger man asked but he flopped into _Vincenta_'s seat anyway as Howard leant across the table to glare at his mother.

"You," he glowered "are unbelievable."

"I was talking to Nana Moon." she whispered back. "I couldn't ring her up last night and tell her that as the last member of the Moon bloodline you were bringing a man. It would have killed her."

Vince frowned. He didn't understand why Howard was angry. Or why he'd suddenly been given permission to sit in someone else's seat; what you Vincenta say when she returned?

"Well, what did you tell her about the boys?"

Just then, three pairs of tiny feet scampered across the lino, answering the question themselves.

"We haven't got any chairs." moaned Jones.

"It seems we weren't put on the guest list. I'm not surprised though. That's the problem with being an eccentric individual."

"It's not fair." Vinward agreed.

"Alright." Howard sighed, "I'll come over and find you a chair now."

As he was about to get up, a chinking of glasses at the end of the table stole his attention.

"Listen up everyone." Nana Moon, with her severely wrinkled face and her eyes so small Vince wasn't sure she even had them and her hair grey and rat-tailed, had risen to her full height of 4ft, "Now that you're all sitting comfortably."

"I wish." scorned Jones.

"Shhh." hissed Howard nervously.

"I'm going to make a speech."

"Right." Howard whispered to his sons, "We'll put you on our laps for now, okay?"

He hoisted Vinward up and gave him to Vince and then set about balancing Richmond on one knee and Jones on the other. Jones, immediately, started pulling at serviettes and complimentary chocolate and untying the bow, which was holding the cutlery together. Richmond started doing origami with the corner of the table cloth, whilst Vinward sat admiring all the wonderful moustaches he was surrounded by.

"Back in 1832..." Nana Moon began and Vince groaned loudly, drawing attention from anyone near. This is gonna be a long one, he thought; and he was right.

--

After ten minutes; "…Father Moon was a well respected priest until he died in 1835..."

--

Another ten; "… and of course lets not forget the pioneer of all things stationary, Margret Moon, who was born in 1865..."

--

And another; "…of course there's the author Harrison Moon. He was a well respected writer up until his death in 1901…"

--

And another; "…in 1914, of course, we had the beginning of the first world war and who was there to keep spirits up in the trenches? Well, none other than Howard Moon. The first great cream poet of our time…"

"Oh you are kidding me." smirked Vince, "Cream poetry in the trenches? No wonder they were going over the top."

"Vince." warned Howard.

"M'just saying." was the sulky reply, "anyways… how come that geezer had your name?"

"He was my great grandfather. The first of the Howard Moon's."

"God, there's more than one of you?"

"It's a family name. Or at least it was." he said, warily eyeing his sons, "Now shhh."

On the bright side, Vince suddenly realised they must be coming to the end of speech.

"That brings us on to Howard Moon the second, a quiet retiring young man, who married Elspeth and had many daughters, all of whom are here tonight, Aimee, Janet, Pamela, Tina and Lucy and a son… Howard." she raised her glass and looked kindly at Howard's father.

"Woah." whispered Vince, "Is your dad's name Howard too? That is quite complicated."

"Shhh." hushed Howard. He was bitterly aware that he was next in the speech and he really, really wished he wasn't.

"Howard, Howard, Howard… well, he was a hard worker with many ambitions. He married the beautiful Mary, who's delighted us with some exquisite cakes over the years and they bore a son… Howard."

Suddenly, everyone was looking at Howard and his cheeks blushed.

"Why's everyone looking at you?" whispered Vince, "Oh, is this you now? Ha! Priceless."

"Who I believe has just got married to his childhood sweetheart Vincenta."

"Have you?" Vince asked looking confused and a little hurt.

"You're completely thick sometimes. You're Vincenta."

"I'm not. And we're not married."

Everyone in the room had a sharp intake of breath.

"Ahh." Nana Moon regained control, "engaged. Well that would explain a lot… like why none of us knew about the wedding and why I wasn't invited to vet her ."

"Vet me? That sounds perverse!"

Howard let out a little whimper of embarrassment and tried to hide his face in his sons' hair.

"And stop calling me a her."

There was another startled gasp and a quiet mutter from Howard of;

"Oh for Pete's sake Vince, shut up!"

"Not a…" Nana Moon looked like she was having some kind of seizure as she slumped into her chair clutching her chest, "so our bloodline rests with a gay man?" she asked.

"Yes." Vince said calmly.

"So… it's over. The Moon name is going to die out."

"Not entirely, because I'm amazing. I got pregnant."

"Please stop talking." hissed Howard.

"And we had three sons." Vince indicated the boys, "None of whom are called Howard because that's a crap name."

"Oh that's brilliant that, Vince." Howard scorned, "You just keep talking and I'll see if there's an escape route before they decapitate us."

"_But. _But, that's three possible bloodlines… well," he looked down at his three sons, his eyes falling on Jones and his painted nails and dolly and smirked a little to himself, "two possible bloodlines."

There was a silence. Everyone was waiting with baited breath to find out what Nana Moon was going to say and when she did open her mouth she sounded like she was reading notes taken by someone else, picking out key words and adding in her own with no hint of a sentence.

"Not Howard… gay… sons… wedlock." This went on for a minute or two until Vinward turned to Vince and tugged on his shirt.

"Watch it Vin. This is new!"

"Sorry. But, why does she look like she's a… robot gone wrong."

"Malfunctioning." Richmond agreed.

"Boom Boom Pow." Jones sang to himself, chuckling at his own joke.

"Is this them?" Nana Moon asked, looking at the boys sat on their fathers' laps. A million and one cuttingly sarcastic responses came into Vince's head but, on seeing that _look_ in Howard's eyes, he swallowed them down.

"Yeah."

"Ah. Now that's a real Moon." she beamed, indicating that Vince should hold up Vinward, with his squinty brown eyes and wispy hair and proud, prominent moustache, and show him off to the room like a prize pig. Howard smiled exasperatedly. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad. If everyone focused on how perfectly Vinward seemed to fit the Moon mould, maybe they wouldn't look at how Jones and Richmond didn't fit it at all, maybe they wouldn't question Howard on his sexuality or how he and Vince had conceived. Maybe they'd be too blown away by this perfect Moon boy they'd produced. He was a coward, so what? But of course it couldn't last.

"I'm not a real Moon." Vinward said confidently. "I'm a Noir-Moon. That's much better."

Vince beamed and squished him in a fierce cuddle.

"They haven't even got our surname." Nana Moon was beside herself. Howard's parents looked bitterly disappointed. The whole room looked as though they didn't think Howard was worthy of the prestigious job of continuing the bloodline. And Howard felt angry. What right did they have, what right did any of them have to tell him how to live his life?

"No." he said steadily. "They haven't got the Moon surname because they are as much Vince's sons as they are mine. And I love them, I don't care if they've got a moustache or how big they're eyes are and I don't care if they want to wear nail varnish or like the more gothic side of things. I love them anyway and none of you, _none_ of you can tell me they're anything less than perfect."

He could feel Vince smiling at him. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, firm and reassuring. He moved his own hand to grab at it and squeeze it, giving Vince a strangled smile. His stomach was churning furiously. His legs were jelly. He felt ill and still everyone was glaring at him.

--

"Well, _I'm_ proud of you." Vince sighed, sliding into the bed next to Howard.

"Hmm." Howard hummed, fiddling with the duvet.

"I mean… you stuck up for your sons. You went all manly on me Moon. It was weird like watching a cat do the hula."

"How often have you seen that Vince?"

"Often enough." the younger man smiled and then; "I'm sorry that your family overreacted."

"Riots and singed moustaches are not over reacting Vince. That's… I don't know what that is."

"I still don't understand why they tried to set fire to your moustache."

"The moustache is a symbol being a true Moon, Vince and apparently I'm… what was it they said?"

"Disgracing the Moon name." Vince informed him helpfully. Howard's face fell. "But you're not." Vince added snuggling up to him and holding Howard as the older man placed his head on Vince's shoulder. "They were just over reacting. It doesn't matter that you haven't got married and that two of your sons have got big eyes and black hair and that you haven't passed on the surname."

"But I've been virtually disowned by my family."

"Ahh. We're your family, me and the boys," Vince said, stroking Howard's hair, "and your dad said he's never been prouder of you."

"When did he say that?"

"When we were running for our lives from the group brandishing lighters and shavers. He said that he'd never seen you stand up for yourself before and he'd never been prouder."

Howard moved so he could look Vince in the eyes. He was telling the truth.

"I love you Howard." Vince said, pressing a kiss gently to his lips.

"Love you too, little man."

--

There'd been no cooked breakfast for them the next morning. There'd been no smell of coffee drifting up the stairs to wake them. It had just been cereal and stony silences, broken only by the clinking of spoons on plastic bowls. It was horrible. The tension was mounting and no body knew what to do. Even the boys were silent. They could tell something was up. Mr Moon picked up the kettle and poured himself a mug of coffee. The sound of water hitting the mug was all there was and it was driving Howard crazy. As his dad replaced the kettle Howard exploded;

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"You could have said it less aggressively." Vince whispered, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth as he shovelled in another spoonful of cereal to stop himself from giggling nervously.

"Sorry. _Sorry!?"_ His mother repeated as though it were something she utterly despised, "Well, that makes it all okay then, doesn't it? I mean, we've only been publicly embarrassed and Nana Moon has said we're dead to her. We've been ousted from our own family!"

"That wasn't a family. That was a cult," muttered Vince, "I mean, what the hell is that moustache thing about?"

"You really can't let that go can you?"

"It was weird." Vince shrugged.

"Is it our fault, daddy?" Richmond asked. He understood most things but he hadn't understood what had happened yesterday. It had seemed that a whole load of people that were supposed to be nice had turned suddenly mad.

"No." Howard said quickly.

"It was Vince's." Mrs Moon muttered.

"Mum!"

"Well… if he'd just kept up the Vincenta thing."

"It was hardly convincing mum."

"And kids out of wedlock. Well… I should have known they would notice something was wrong."

"Out of wedlock." Vince suddenly burst out laughing.

"I fail to see what's funny." Mrs Moon scowled.

"Well, I mean your _son _and another _man_ conceived three beautiful boys. I mean look at this scene," Vince indicated his family "I think there's _something wrong, _as you put it,with this whole picture and it's not the out of wedlock bit. And it's not _wrong _anyway, it's just a different kind of right. It's how we are, it's what we do and _I_ certainly don't need your approval."

"Me neither." Howard agreed quietly. "I love them. And that's all that matters."

"But the bloodline."

"Oh who cares about the bloody bloodline." exploded Mr Moon, quickly apologizing when Vinward gasped and announced that Granddad had said a bad word. "We're not the royal family," he continued, "it really doesn't matter whether the Moon name lives on. It's not special, not really."

"But you're a Moon." Mrs Moon whispered.

"And I'm also a father. And I'd rather see my son happy like this than miserable but in keeping with tradition."

"Well… yes, I mean… happiness is key but… your own family have kicked you out. Nana Moon is…"

"a deluded old bat?" Mr Moon prompted.

Vince laughed. Then, looked up to see the whole table glaring at him. He stopped.

"Sorry." he smirked. He wasn't.

"Anyway," continued Mr Moon, "I never really liked her and her rules. It's like she owns the family. She wasn't even born a Moon. She married Uncle Arthur and… well, we know what he was like."

"What was he like?" Vince whispered to Howard.

Howard mimed something that could quite frankly have been anything in the world and Vince's face just screwed up in confusion. "Slept around a lot." Howard whispered. "Nana Moon divorced Arthur, they never had kids." Then louder, "Hey… they never had kids!"

"Oh I know." said Mr Moon, "She's a hypocrite but she's so old, no one dares to question anything she says."

"But we've lost the rest of the family too."

"This is our family." Vince smiled. "Look. This is a family get together. Well, my parents aren't here but… that's probably best all round. Right?" he laughed uneasily and Howard made a mental note to question him on that later. "But look. I'm already enjoying this more than yesterday. And no ones tried to shave you yet Howard."

--

"I think that went well overall." beamed Vince, waving manically at Mr and Mrs Moon as the car rounded the corner.

"Oh yeah, perfect." Howard scorned.

"Oh come on. It was fun."

"When? Did I blink whilst the fun was happening? No, I remember it now, it was between Jones vomiting and my family trying to burn my moustache off."

"That's right." nodded Vince, "It was right in-between those two events. When you pushed the wardrobe against the door of our bedroom. That night was fun." winked Vince.

"I still can't believe we did that." sighed Howard.

"I can. You love a thrill Moon." Vince grinned, squeezing Howard's thigh.

"Dad." moaned Richmond, "No inappropriate touching in front of children."

Vince rolled his eyes and placed his hands back in his lap.

"Hey dad!" Vinward giggled, "Are we there yet?"

"Don't start." groaned Howard.

"How 'bout now?" asked Jones

"Are we there… now?" Vinward asked.

"Now?"

"What about now?"

"Boys." warned Vince. "Shoosh please."

"Sorry dad."

"So… Howard?"

"What?"

"_Are_ we there yet?"


End file.
